The dark side of the Force is strong with me!

The dark side of the Force is strong with me!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Death, Rage and Why I Can't Stand Most People

So. I haven't blogged for a while, mainly due to being incredibly busy since coming home from my latest bout in hospital as I had Megababe staying over at mine for bank holiday weekend and then we went to Bingley Festival this weekend so it has been good times aplenty.

However, I logged into Facebook this morning and read the sad news that a fellow CFer had passed away on Thursday. His parents had requested that this information be kept private over the weekend to understandably grieve and come to terms with their loss and this sad news.

He was a great guy. I know everyone says this about people when they pass which a lot of the time is fucking bullshit.

Case in point, I've attended some funerals where the people who have croaked were absolute cunts and yet there were predictably glorified in death which I find hypocritical to say the least. I understand why, partly for comfort of family to ease their loss, and partly a cultural practice but that's just my personal feelings on such matters.

This guy genuinely was a great guy though, he was intelligent, witty, and had a dry sense of humour that enriched everyone who knew him. He was one of the good CFers - those who just get on with it and don't bleat on about it all being emo and depressing (boil my piss do those types).

Instantly in my cool book then from day one of knowing him.

I'm obviously now feeling a lot of rage at this news. Rage which has been exacerbated by the daily incessant whining on Facebook and Twitter. People whining and complaining via their posts, statuses and tweets about shitty, self-made minute problems that can be solved by a simple case of manning the fuck up and dealing with their shit quite frankly.

It bores the absolute fuck out of me most days in general and is one of the reasons I post my offensive thoughts and commentary on life in an effort to block out their bland pointlessness.

I have zero tolerance and empathy for weak people you see. This has also been exacerbated by getting older and generally caring less, and also the fact that everytime I lose a CF friend who just got the fuck on with life without any moaning, it has chipped away at being empathic towards most other people.

I just genuinely don't give a fuck about people who choose to mess their own lives up. Be it through whatever means, drink, drugs, bad relationship or life choices, or just plain stupidity.

Ooh. Controversial as always then.

Now before you all think I'm going all depressive, or am dead inside I'm not. I'm just being brutally honest.

You see, death is no stranger to those of us with CF. During my formative years in paediatric care we were shielded from it. When in hospital, if one of our CF friends passed away we were simply told that they had 'gone home' and chances were we would never bump into them again. As transition into adult care came about during our teenage years we were exposed to it, and as CF is CF, this was a pretty regular occurance, still is to this day and will continue to be the case for the rest of my life.

I've had regular occasions where I've lost 3 close CF friends every couple of months once or twice a year, and they've all been of various ages. All would be considered 'young' by society though. Some were just hospital acquaintances, but most were people who I had grown up with throughout in-patient hospital care. An extended family, if you will.

Death is normal to us. We don't fear it. We laugh at it. Mock it. Almost welcome it by pushing ourselves towards it in the pursuit of hedonism. Stick one finger up at it and say fuck you reaper, you'll take us when we deem it to be time, or at least we'll make you wait as long for as is possible you cloak-wearing, cock-juggling thundercunt. Most of you will be lucky to only lose maybe one of your parents, or your grandparents in your lifetime so as you see, things are very different for those of us born with Cystic Fibrosis.

We also take the piss out of death and dying. I genuinely do find the whole thing hilarious and am often chastised for mocking deaths, especially those of pointless celebrities. I mean if you can't see the funny in people like Michael Hutchence and David Carradine croaking from some kinky powerwanking choke sex games then you are very boring in my modest opinion. After all, what's not to laugh at about that scenario?

Call me and my sense of humour sick and twisted all you like, no fucks are given. Nor are they ever.

I've probably pissed people off by saying I have no sympathy for weak people but I don't. I don't mean those people who suddenly have horrible life-changing events thrust upon them. Not at all. I mean those cunts we all know who can't go a day without whining about some insignificant bullshit that 9 times out of 10 they had a hand in causing and perpetuating themselves.

You know the types, when you see statuses and tweets with stuff like this on them:

''Waaaah. I hate my job.'' - fucking change it then, retrain or re-educate yourself. Simples.
''Waaaah. My boyfriend/girlfriend treats me bad.'' - fucking dump them then. Followed by...
''Waaaah. But I 'love' them.'' - in that case you're a daft cunt and deserve all you get then. Bore the fuck off.
''Waaaah. I'm ill.'' - pop some Lemsips and shut the fuck up then.
''Waaaah. I feel so shit after a weekend of plying myself with drink and drugs.'' - just shut the fuck up you stupid fucking fuck.
''Waaah. I'm bored.'' - get OFF the internet then and just fucking do something you lazy attention seeking cuntrag.

This is pretty much how my thought processes go everytime I read that inane shit. In fact I may now cross the line and just start replying with what I actually think instead of ignoring them like I normally do.

It is at times like this that having, living with, and dealing with CF can feel very much like a massive burden. Not the day to day treatment stuff part of it, just the having to be strong and deal with it side of things when you're dealing with a society of mass fuckwittery. Every. Fucking. Day.

I mean, just when did the shift occur within society that the weak, knuckle dragging fuckups outnumbered the strong, sane, fun people and why the fuck do we have to tolerate their bullshit? Truth is, we don't, so fuck them.


So yeah. I'm going to wrap this one up now as I have shit to do with my life.

If you're reading this and are one of the weak people I've mentioned, please smash your face into the keyboard as hard as is physically possible and then start making some changes in your life. If you surround yourself with shit people, ditch them. If you are unhappy with your life, just fucking change it already.

You only get one shot at it and if you waste it, then it is YOUR fault and nobody else's. Personally, I don't intend on looking back on my life from my deathbed and regretting the stuff I didn't do. Hell no.

I give no fucks either way, and the rest of us are really tired of your bullshit.

Peace out and big respect to the arse kickers out there. I love you all dearly.

As Jack Kerouac said: 

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”


  1. Bit guilty of the 'I'm bored' statuses over here... heh

  2. the way you said "shut the fuck up you stupid fucking fuck" made me a little moist. well done, Monsieur.

    1. Always a pleasure, never a chore, Madame.

    2. Oh, me too! Sew moisty time. Fucking brilliant, Andy. I just shared it publicly on FB. People are cunts!

  3. I could hve written this myself, every single day I just want to tell people to get a grip! When will people realise THEY are responsible for their lives and how it turns out!

  4. The voice of sanity. Thanks for the breath of fresh (deliciously ice fucking cold) air. Wish I had the balls! Maybe i'll find them one day...

  5. Ah loved it! I'm often rude to people. When people complain of a cold, Im always saying I'm the wrong person to complain to!!

    "ill people" and people who smoke / do drugs wind me the fuck up

  6. Totally agree 100% I am 42 with Cf I have had a double lung transplant? It takes more energy to be negative and self absorbed. I am certainly one of the positive go getter trype of CF'S. So U have broken up with someone,ummmmm find someone else, you have lost a job well get another! You don't have to be Einstein to realise that you are in control of your life, emotions and actions! God just be thankful that you wake up every morning? I think what U said was spot on,instead of feeling sorry for yourself/ ourselves have a look at people with no arms or legs for Gods sake! Get out and live life to the fullest. Instead of thinking that obstacles in our lives are stumbling blocks look at them as stepping stones! Anyway I just wanted to say that what you wrote was great. Take care and stay positive and ENJOY!

  7. Love your work! As the mother of a 10 year old, 5 year old & 4 year old (with CF) I tend to use the phrase 'suck it up princess' rather prolifically.

  8. You are my new hero!! I totally believe in people controlling their own lives, if your life is shit change it don't sit whining and moaning about it...actions speak louder then words!!